Comments on: All Grown Up? No Siblings? Welcome.

By: DSL

DSL — Tue, 26 Oct 2010 23:24:32 +0000

Silent A,
I am also single and just lost my mom last month. (My dad died three years ago.) My cousins also live in distant states although I am still in close contact with a couple of them. My mom, dad and i were also a very close-knit family so I can imagine how you feel without them. I don’t know that having children would necessarily mean that you would have care later, though. Like you, I helped my parents as they came to the end of their lives, but I see many people with children who end up alone. I have some wonderful friends who are a lot of support but I, too, sometimes feel cut adrift. I’m very glad to have found this site and I hope the site will soon be taking new registrants.

By: AOC Admin

AOC Admin — Sat, 16 Oct 2010 19:55:55 +0000

@LB – Sorry to say we’re not able to accept any new registrants at this time, because the site has been attacked by spammers. But I just announced in this blog post (http://adultonlychild.org/blog/2010/10/16/weve-been-attacked-by-spammers-so-were-re-building-better-than-before/) that we’re re-building the site, and we’ll be back and better than ever ASAP. Meanwhile this blog and your comments aren’t going anywhere, so feel free to reply!

@SilentA – thanks for sharing your story. I’ll tell you for sure that you’re not alone…and you’re definitely not an island. Glad to have you with us!

By: SilentA

SilentA — Sat, 16 Oct 2010 12:29:41 +0000

This is interesting and well needed. I am an adult only child. I am not married, I have no children and my closest relationships have been with my parents. My dad passed in 2000 and my mom passed in July, 2010. My cousins ALL live in other states and as we grew up, we also grew further apart. I am doing fine (most of the time) but as I grow older, I become afraid of being alone. I have been married (twice) and I think (at times) I would like to try marriage again. I’m 45 years old and feel that children are out of the question now because by the time I become involved in a relationship and marry, I’ll be 50 years old attempting to have children (out of the question at that point). Adoption is also an option but it’s not the life I dreamed about. I’ve always had both parents in my life and the three of us were so close and loving. I don’t want to raise a child without a father figure. I’m sure I could…I just don’t want to. I always dreamed of having a small family (like mine), going to dinner as a family, taking vacations as a family…. This was not my dream. Now my worry is…”What will happen to me” when I get old and can’t take care of myself? When my dad got sick, my mom and I both cared for him. When he became very ill and Hospice wanted to step in, my mom and I bought him home and with my mom being an RN, we cared for him until the end, where he died at home. When my mom became ill and Hospice wanted to step in, I bought my mom home and I quit my job to care for her until the end, where she died at home. Who is going to care for me?
I FEEL LIKE AN ISLAND.

By: LB

LB — Tue, 12 Oct 2010 16:52:02 +0000

I just tried to register and it says ‘article not found.’ (just FYI) Am very happy to come upon this site. I have always struggled with being an only child, and is has always been hard to try and articulate my feelings – most people just don’t understand. Often in my life I felt that I was grieving for something I never had… siblings. This past year has been incredibly difficult and has me reflecting on a lot of things I have not addressed in a long time- am going to scroll around here some more – it is a comfort to not feel alone in this – and a comfort that only children are often without…

By: Amanda Hicks

Amanda Hicks — Tue, 21 Sep 2010 23:39:36 +0000

I was amazed to see that the first comments on here were about the death of parents. As an only child I think a lot about how I will be the care giver for my parents when they are elderly. And what in the world will I do when they die. I do have a wonderful husband and four great daughters. So I know that I won’t be totally alone. But in a sense I will be alone. It puts me a little more at ease that other only children have the same fears and thoughts about this.

By: Admin

Admin — Thu, 29 Jul 2010 05:47:31 +0000

Thanks for sharing, Ram. Sounds like you’re really aware of your feelings, but still you feel like you should feel differently. Know what I mean? I can relate to that sometimes – I bet a lot of people can.

By: Ram

Ram — Thu, 08 Jul 2010 14:08:55 +0000

I am an only child, turning 26 at the end of the year. I’m originally from Singapore (of Indian ethnicity) but in Melbourne, Australia for studies. It’s been exactly a week since I arrived here. I realize I’m way too comfortable even in a foreign land. I asked myself why and I’ve come to a reasonable conclusion. I’m emotionally detached. It’s only now that I realize the night I left, my Mom gave me a warm hug and my response was nothing more than casual. Here I am in a totally different country and I’m unimpressed and not even nervous. I miss nothing and no one back home.

Just over 2 hours ago my Mom was on the phone with me. The conversation ended with her crying. She misses me so much (my parents are married but it’s an obvious failure), I’m pretty much all she has. But I was so annoyed the whole time cause she’s talking to me like I’m still her little boy, full of nagging and advising and all that.

My Dad hates his in-laws. Mom’s actually afraid to invite her own family, siblings or friends over in fear that Dad will say something offensive to them. Mom’s a submissive sort, Dad’s the exact opposite. He’ll snap at her for the slightest things. I grew up my whole life hearing things no child should hear. In recent years Dad has tried to forge a relationship with me but I simply cannot bring myself to be close to him. It’s almost a habit for me to get annoyed with him even when he’s being nice.

I hate hearing my Mom cry, which is unfortunately quite often, yet I don’t wanna say anything to her. I’m shooting in all directions with no real point, I’m sorry. I just needed to get things off my chest. It’s one thing being an only child but your upbringing is also very important. I really wish my life was different enough for me to care.

Thanks for reading. Sorry about the mess of thoughts.

By: AOC Admin

AOC Admin — Thu, 08 Jul 2010 01:17:16 +0000

So sorry to hear you were having trouble registering. What exactly was the issue? This is a very new site, and it’s going to take a while to work all the kinks out – thanks for sticking with me! I appreciate any feedback.

By: Lisa

Lisa — Sun, 27 Jun 2010 03:15:51 +0000

As if my life were not depressing and demanding enough, I can’t even register on your stupid website. I’m just going to go back to my only child, no husband, no boyfriend, no children of my own cave. Stupid me, try to reach out for help, understanding, and get slapped in the face… every time. I don’t even know why I bother.

By: Mark

Mark — Wed, 09 Jun 2010 18:52:47 +0000

Hi Deb

Glad to see you are here. I guess you must have gotten registered. We would like to hear your story. I am an only child in my fifties with deceased parents and no children and no cousins I have ever lived within 300 miles of. One of the greatest problems we face is that non-onlies seem to lack sympathy and understanding of what it is like to be an only. Some seem to believe that any only-related problems we might have somehow end when we reach adulthood. Lack of real, old fashioned friendship is my biggest problem. As I have no siblings or cousins that I know very well, I have a desperate need for friendship and have felt that need for decades. I am married so I dont go to the bars (where it is relatively easy to make “friends” if you are single). I dont smoke anymore and I get sickened by second hand smoke, so I dont go to poker games, bowling alleys, etc. My work does not involve other people, so I dont interact with others at work. If I had siblings, I wouldnt feel such a desperate need and would be more lighthearted about the idea of making friends, as I would have the siblings to fall back on if for nothing but an occasional phone conversation. Siblings also can be helpful in making friends with others, either through introductions or some other means. If you go to a game or something with a sibling, you are not there “alone”, and if you reach out to contact a potential friend, he or she sees you in the company of another person (who happens to be your sibling) and accordingly does not perceive you as a wierdo loner. I wish the people in these groups that live in large cities, such as Portland, OR, where I live, could somehow get together because I believe that at least we understand what it is like.