You’re an adult only child. Right?
Just a guess. If so, then I’m glad you found this site. I started this as a place where you can share the challenges, privileges, and common experiences that only adults without siblings have.
About AdultOnlyChild.com:
If the phrase “adult only child” sounds contradictory to you…if you’re not sure what it means, then you’re probably not one. But here’s another way of putting it: “adults who don’t have any siblings.” This site is all about them.
I put the site up some time in early 2009, and just put a version of this post on the home page. Over the course of about 6 months, more than 1,500 people visited the site. If that many people stop by when there’s nothing on the site, maybe we can get some of you to join a community.
Until some of you join this new community, it just serves as a collection of any material I can find online regarding adult only children.
How to Participate:
[Sorry to say that for the time being all of this site's 'Social Networking' features (that is, the links below) have been disabled, due to some serious spam attacks. We'll be back and fully functional soon!]
- Login (or Register first, if you haven’t already)
- Ask questions in the group forums,
- Create your own groups and forums, or even
- Start your own AdultOnlyChild blog.
Valerie
on Jan 18th, 2010
@ 3:18 pm:
WOW this is just what i was looking for. But is there more, i would like a social networking site just for adult only children. Is that what this is?
admin
on Jan 18th, 2010
@ 10:21 pm:
@Valerie thanks for the comment. Right now adultonlychild.com is a simple site with links to other resources online. If visitors like you show enough interest I’d be happy to add a forum or social network to the site. Meanwhile you may want to check out the similarly named onlychildadult.com’s community.
admin
on Jan 20th, 2010
@ 10:25 pm:
Well, @Valerie, I just tried to visit the onlychildadult forum I referred you to, and it looks like it’s down. So I’m turning AdultOnlyChild.com into AdultOnlyChild.org – and making it a social network.
Over the past several months, the traffic to this site has steadily increased, even though there’s really nothing here (yet). So that, plus your comment tells me I need to turn this site into something useful.
So, to anyone reading this…as of January 20, 2010 this site is officially a “social network” and community for adult only children. To join, just go to http://adultonlychild.com/register. After that you can post questions in group forums, or create your own group, or even start a blog about your experience as an only child.
nosibs
on Feb 6th, 2010
@ 11:22 am:
Hi,
I think a forum for adult only children is long over due. Thank you for starting one.
Are there any only children that have lost both parents? My mother died in 2001 (my father died years before). It was very difficult going through this event alone, but becoming an “orphan” was extremely traumatic. I would love to hear from people who are in the same boat. I am divorced, and although I have friends and do a great deal of volunteer work there is still a void.
Cheryl
on Feb 8th, 2010
@ 1:42 pm:
I can totally relate to your feelings of being ‘orphaned’. I just used that word yesterday in attempts to descibe my feelings to a group of cousins, but I don’t think they get the idea. They have a large family and have no concept of what it’s like looking from the outside in.
Anyway…. Sorry to hear about your losses….my parents died when I was 15years old… and I am still fighting that ‘wounded child’. I think it’s all surfacing now since the kids are gone and I’m going through a ‘phase’. TeeHee
Growing up as an only child with no parents can be a challenge for a young adult. It definitely leaves a void in one’s life. I’m looking for ways now to fill that void so that I can re-heal the wounded child that seems to be resurfacing.
Good luck to you.
onlychild
on Feb 8th, 2010
@ 3:21 pm:
@nosibs, I’m sorry to hear about your loss. I can only imagine.
nosibs
on Feb 15th, 2010
@ 10:03 am:
Hello Cheryl,
Thank you for your kind words. I can only imagine the pain of losing your parents at such a young age.
It is perfectly natural that your wounded child should be surfacing again. Without the distractions (and I do not mean this in a negative way) of children keeping you busy, the brain has more time to reflect on internal issues.
I really wish that there were local support groups where people could spend time together in person. A “family” of people who have experienced this profound loss would be wonderful. As you mentioned, people who have never experienced this type of situation have no clue.
If you feel like it, please keep me posted on how you are handling the “empty nest”/wounded child phase.
Helen
nosibs
on Feb 15th, 2010
@ 10:06 am:
Hello,
Thank you for your kind words.
Would you care to share your story?
Helen
Only Me 42540
on Feb 20th, 2010
@ 12:15 pm:
@Valerie, Cheryl, Helen:
Reading this thread incourages me. I too have been orphaned. I lost my mother in 1995 and my father in 2002. The loss of my mother was bad enough, losing my dad was well the end of part of me. I still deal and grieve. I have a step mother but this is never the same as your real parent. She does her best. Some times I feel liked Cinderella with out a fella.
I have been married twice. I have two children from my second marriage. Both are grown and my eldest is in Afgahnastan. My youngest Just turned nineteen and is living on her own, going to college and working. Oh my this is just the beginning. Now on top of feeling orphaned I now feel empty nested. Some times this just overwhelms me… I sit and cry.. Collect myself and get up and try to go on. I have been told that all this will make me closer to my children.. My eldest is married to an only child… Her parents are still both alive… I have encouraged him to be patient… I don’t speak much with my daughter in law … she still has her best friends and now my son too… I lost both my parents to cancerin different forms.. I find the reading of the link to cancer.org an avenue to pursue as well.. as I might have breast cancer and have been denying it for years now… a lump then it dissapears, a lymph node swollen then it goes down. Ihad mamograms done. One confirmed the other denied. I chose the later and have kept going… I haven’t had another mamo gram done yet… Nor have I really spoke with anyone about it…
Thank you some much for this social network that you have built….. I feel better and extend my greatest sympathies and empathies to all of you…. please feel free to write me
Marie
onlychild
on Feb 22nd, 2010
@ 5:58 pm:
My story is just one of an only child whose parents are divorced and living in different states, but who remain relatively healthy and capable. I just know the day will come when I have to care for one or both of them, and eventually lose them. I can only imagine what you (Cheryl and Nosibs) have been through. I feel for you both.
nosibs
on Mar 5th, 2010
@ 7:20 am:
Hi,
I will not candy coat the experience. It can be a very lonely time…even with friends to support you. It is a process of one. Try not to spend time thinking about what may be. I find that staying in the present moment helps. Mind you, this is not easy to accomplish. Meditation helps some people.
I truly wish there were support groups where people could actually meet and get together.
Hang in there…you will be o.k.
Helen
William Joseph Reynolds
on May 13th, 2010
@ 3:33 am:
I was in our local card store over this past weekend. Watching from a distance, as an observer, as throngs of people poured over the card racks to get the perfect ‘Mother’s Day’ card. This was the 30th Mother’s Day without my mom. It’s been 27 years since I lost my dad.
I got to thinking about the origin of Mother’s Day…how it was a seed of an idea of just one woman. Look at how it has evolved over the years.
It got me to start thinking about forging a campaign to start a ‘Sibling Day.’ I even imagined getting actors Tony Dow and Jerry Mathers of ‘Leave it to Beaver’ fame to be the national spokesmen for such a campaign.
There is such a bond that siblings share. I long for it each and every day. My parents had wanted more children, in fact, my father wanted nine children, ‘just like Queen Victoria and Prince Albert,’ he said.
But, it never happened.
Meanwhile, all of my younger cousins were being inducted into that special club. Having younger siblings. For a while there, it was happening left and right. 14 youner cousins in the course of 10 years. Out of my whole family, I was the only ‘only child.’
At school, I was surrounded by classmates whose households rivaled that of the Brady Bunch or Ma and Pa Kettle’s.
I have been in ill health now for the past 9 or 10 years. I am 54 years old. Just turned 54, as a matter of fact, last month on Shakespeare’s birthday. I think of how a sibling could help me through this awful ordeal of mine. I am also sueing for medical malpractice.
As adults, Tony Dow and Jerry Mathers have had to deal with their own health issues. Dow with mental health/depression issues, and Mathers, more recently, with Diabetes. The cameras may have stopped rolling for them, almost 50 years ago, but I am sure, they have supported each other, over the years.
I miss that. I miss that desperately.
William Joseph Reynolds
on May 13th, 2010
@ 4:14 am:
Dear Nosibs,
I lost both my parents while I was in college…my Mother died on Good Friday, was laid out on Easter Sunday, and my father was buried on Christmas Eve. Amazingly, I was able to graduate with high honors…a 3.725 GPA and was inducted into ‘Who’s Who Among Students in American Universities & Colleges.’
As proud as I was of this accomplishment, when I had to submit my biography and refer to myself as the son the ‘late’ William and Violet (Boerner) Reynolds, it was like a knife through my heart.
It’s been 29 and 27 years, respectively. I am 54 now, and have been in ill health for the last 9 years. I know what you’re going through. You have my friendship and sympathy.
William Joseph Reynolds
on May 14th, 2010
@ 4:29 pm:
I am absolutely thrilled and delighted to see the launch of this new site. It has been something I have been yearning for, for the longest time.
I wish it a world of success.
Deb
on Jun 7th, 2010
@ 6:37 am:
I have tried to register on this site and it will not allow me. It says the site isn’t found/access denied. Any suggestions?
Mark
on Jun 9th, 2010
@ 10:52 am:
Hi Deb
Glad to see you are here. I guess you must have gotten registered. We would like to hear your story. I am an only child in my fifties with deceased parents and no children and no cousins I have ever lived within 300 miles of. One of the greatest problems we face is that non-onlies seem to lack sympathy and understanding of what it is like to be an only. Some seem to believe that any only-related problems we might have somehow end when we reach adulthood. Lack of real, old fashioned friendship is my biggest problem. As I have no siblings or cousins that I know very well, I have a desperate need for friendship and have felt that need for decades. I am married so I dont go to the bars (where it is relatively easy to make “friends” if you are single). I dont smoke anymore and I get sickened by second hand smoke, so I dont go to poker games, bowling alleys, etc. My work does not involve other people, so I dont interact with others at work. If I had siblings, I wouldnt feel such a desperate need and would be more lighthearted about the idea of making friends, as I would have the siblings to fall back on if for nothing but an occasional phone conversation. Siblings also can be helpful in making friends with others, either through introductions or some other means. If you go to a game or something with a sibling, you are not there “alone”, and if you reach out to contact a potential friend, he or she sees you in the company of another person (who happens to be your sibling) and accordingly does not perceive you as a wierdo loner. I wish the people in these groups that live in large cities, such as Portland, OR, where I live, could somehow get together because I believe that at least we understand what it is like.
Lisa
on Jun 26th, 2010
@ 7:15 pm:
As if my life were not depressing and demanding enough, I can’t even register on your stupid website. I’m just going to go back to my only child, no husband, no boyfriend, no children of my own cave. Stupid me, try to reach out for help, understanding, and get slapped in the face… every time. I don’t even know why I bother.
AOC Admin
on Jul 7th, 2010
@ 5:17 pm:
So sorry to hear you were having trouble registering. What exactly was the issue? This is a very new site, and it’s going to take a while to work all the kinks out – thanks for sticking with me! I appreciate any feedback.
Ram
on Jul 8th, 2010
@ 6:08 am:
I am an only child, turning 26 at the end of the year. I’m originally from Singapore (of Indian ethnicity) but in Melbourne, Australia for studies. It’s been exactly a week since I arrived here. I realize I’m way too comfortable even in a foreign land. I asked myself why and I’ve come to a reasonable conclusion. I’m emotionally detached. It’s only now that I realize the night I left, my Mom gave me a warm hug and my response was nothing more than casual. Here I am in a totally different country and I’m unimpressed and not even nervous. I miss nothing and no one back home.
Just over 2 hours ago my Mom was on the phone with me. The conversation ended with her crying. She misses me so much (my parents are married but it’s an obvious failure), I’m pretty much all she has. But I was so annoyed the whole time cause she’s talking to me like I’m still her little boy, full of nagging and advising and all that.
My Dad hates his in-laws. Mom’s actually afraid to invite her own family, siblings or friends over in fear that Dad will say something offensive to them. Mom’s a submissive sort, Dad’s the exact opposite. He’ll snap at her for the slightest things. I grew up my whole life hearing things no child should hear. In recent years Dad has tried to forge a relationship with me but I simply cannot bring myself to be close to him. It’s almost a habit for me to get annoyed with him even when he’s being nice.
I hate hearing my Mom cry, which is unfortunately quite often, yet I don’t wanna say anything to her. I’m shooting in all directions with no real point, I’m sorry. I just needed to get things off my chest. It’s one thing being an only child but your upbringing is also very important. I really wish my life was different enough for me to care.
Thanks for reading. Sorry about the mess of thoughts.
Admin
on Jul 28th, 2010
@ 9:47 pm:
Thanks for sharing, Ram. Sounds like you’re really aware of your feelings, but still you feel like you should feel differently. Know what I mean? I can relate to that sometimes – I bet a lot of people can.
Amanda Hicks
on Sep 21st, 2010
@ 3:39 pm:
I was amazed to see that the first comments on here were about the death of parents. As an only child I think a lot about how I will be the care giver for my parents when they are elderly. And what in the world will I do when they die. I do have a wonderful husband and four great daughters. So I know that I won’t be totally alone. But in a sense I will be alone. It puts me a little more at ease that other only children have the same fears and thoughts about this.
LB
on Oct 12th, 2010
@ 8:52 am:
I just tried to register and it says ‘article not found.’ (just FYI) Am very happy to come upon this site. I have always struggled with being an only child, and is has always been hard to try and articulate my feelings – most people just don’t understand. Often in my life I felt that I was grieving for something I never had… siblings. This past year has been incredibly difficult and has me reflecting on a lot of things I have not addressed in a long time- am going to scroll around here some more – it is a comfort to not feel alone in this – and a comfort that only children are often without…
SilentA
on Oct 16th, 2010
@ 4:29 am:
This is interesting and well needed. I am an adult only child. I am not married, I have no children and my closest relationships have been with my parents. My dad passed in 2000 and my mom passed in July, 2010. My cousins ALL live in other states and as we grew up, we also grew further apart. I am doing fine (most of the time) but as I grow older, I become afraid of being alone. I have been married (twice) and I think (at times) I would like to try marriage again. I’m 45 years old and feel that children are out of the question now because by the time I become involved in a relationship and marry, I’ll be 50 years old attempting to have children (out of the question at that point). Adoption is also an option but it’s not the life I dreamed about. I’ve always had both parents in my life and the three of us were so close and loving. I don’t want to raise a child without a father figure. I’m sure I could…I just don’t want to. I always dreamed of having a small family (like mine), going to dinner as a family, taking vacations as a family…. This was not my dream. Now my worry is…”What will happen to me” when I get old and can’t take care of myself? When my dad got sick, my mom and I both cared for him. When he became very ill and Hospice wanted to step in, my mom and I bought him home and with my mom being an RN, we cared for him until the end, where he died at home. When my mom became ill and Hospice wanted to step in, I bought my mom home and I quit my job to care for her until the end, where she died at home. Who is going to care for me?
I FEEL LIKE AN ISLAND.
AOC Admin
on Oct 16th, 2010
@ 11:55 am:
@LB – Sorry to say we’re not able to accept any new registrants at this time, because the site has been attacked by spammers. But I just announced in this blog post (http://adultonlychild.org/blog/2010/10/16/weve-been-attacked-by-spammers-so-were-re-building-better-than-before/) that we’re re-building the site, and we’ll be back and better than ever ASAP. Meanwhile this blog and your comments aren’t going anywhere, so feel free to reply!
@SilentA – thanks for sharing your story. I’ll tell you for sure that you’re not alone…and you’re definitely not an island. Glad to have you with us!
DSL
on Oct 26th, 2010
@ 3:24 pm:
Silent A,
I am also single and just lost my mom last month. (My dad died three years ago.) My cousins also live in distant states although I am still in close contact with a couple of them. My mom, dad and i were also a very close-knit family so I can imagine how you feel without them. I don’t know that having children would necessarily mean that you would have care later, though. Like you, I helped my parents as they came to the end of their lives, but I see many people with children who end up alone. I have some wonderful friends who are a lot of support but I, too, sometimes feel cut adrift. I’m very glad to have found this site and I hope the site will soon be taking new registrants.