You’re an adult only child. Right?
Just a guess. If so, then I’m glad you found this site. I started this as a place where you can share the challenges, privileges, and common experiences that only adults without siblings have.
About AdultOnlyChild.com:
If the phrase “adult only child” sounds contradictory to you…if you’re not sure what it means, then you’re probably not one. But here’s another way of putting it: “adults who don’t have any siblings.” This site is all about them.
I put the site up some time in early 2009, and just put a version of this post on the home page. Over the course of about 6 months, more than 1,500 people visited the site. If that many people stop by when there’s nothing on the site, maybe we can get some of you to join a community.
Until some of you join this new community, it just serves as a collection of any material I can find online regarding adult only children.
How to Participate:
- Login (or Register first, if you haven’t already)
- Ask questions in the group forums,
- Create your own groups and forums, or even
- Start your own AdultOnlyChild blog.
WOW this is just what i was looking for. But is there more, i would like a social networking site just for adult only children. Is that what this is?
@Valerie thanks for the comment. Right now adultonlychild.com is a simple site with links to other resources online. If visitors like you show enough interest I’d be happy to add a forum or social network to the site. Meanwhile you may want to check out the similarly named onlychildadult.com’s community.
Well, @Valerie, I just tried to visit the onlychildadult forum I referred you to, and it looks like it’s down. So I’m turning AdultOnlyChild.com into AdultOnlyChild.org – and making it a social network.
Over the past several months, the traffic to this site has steadily increased, even though there’s really nothing here (yet). So that, plus your comment tells me I need to turn this site into something useful.
So, to anyone reading this…as of January 20, 2010 this site is officially a “social network” and community for adult only children. To join, just go to http://adultonlychild.com/register. After that you can post questions in group forums, or create your own group, or even start a blog about your experience as an only child.
Hi,
I think a forum for adult only children is long over due. Thank you for starting one.
Are there any only children that have lost both parents? My mother died in 2001 (my father died years before). It was very difficult going through this event alone, but becoming an “orphan” was extremely traumatic. I would love to hear from people who are in the same boat. I am divorced, and although I have friends and do a great deal of volunteer work there is still a void.
I can totally relate to your feelings of being ‘orphaned’. I just used that word yesterday in attempts to descibe my feelings to a group of cousins, but I don’t think they get the idea. They have a large family and have no concept of what it’s like looking from the outside in.
Anyway…. Sorry to hear about your losses….my parents died when I was 15years old… and I am still fighting that ‘wounded child’. I think it’s all surfacing now since the kids are gone and I’m going through a ‘phase’. TeeHee
Growing up as an only child with no parents can be a challenge for a young adult. It definitely leaves a void in one’s life. I’m looking for ways now to fill that void so that I can re-heal the wounded child that seems to be resurfacing.
Good luck to you.
Hello Cheryl,
Thank you for your kind words. I can only imagine the pain of losing your parents at such a young age.
It is perfectly natural that your wounded child should be surfacing again. Without the distractions (and I do not mean this in a negative way) of children keeping you busy, the brain has more time to reflect on internal issues.
I really wish that there were local support groups where people could spend time together in person. A “family” of people who have experienced this profound loss would be wonderful. As you mentioned, people who have never experienced this type of situation have no clue.
If you feel like it, please keep me posted on how you are handling the “empty nest”/wounded child phase.
Helen
@nosibs, I’m sorry to hear about your loss. I can only imagine.
Hello,
Thank you for your kind words.
Would you care to share your story?
Helen
My story is just one of an only child whose parents are divorced and living in different states, but who remain relatively healthy and capable. I just know the day will come when I have to care for one or both of them, and eventually lose them. I can only imagine what you (Cheryl and Nosibs) have been through. I feel for you both.
Hi,
I will not candy coat the experience. It can be a very lonely time…even with friends to support you. It is a process of one. Try not to spend time thinking about what may be. I find that staying in the present moment helps. Mind you, this is not easy to accomplish. Meditation helps some people.
I truly wish there were support groups where people could actually meet and get together.
Hang in there…you will be o.k.
Helen
Dear Nosibs,
I lost both my parents while I was in college…my Mother died on Good Friday, was laid out on Easter Sunday, and my father was buried on Christmas Eve. Amazingly, I was able to graduate with high honors…a 3.725 GPA and was inducted into ‘Who’s Who Among Students in American Universities & Colleges.’
As proud as I was of this accomplishment, when I had to submit my biography and refer to myself as the son the ‘late’ William and Violet (Boerner) Reynolds, it was like a knife through my heart.
It’s been 29 and 27 years, respectively. I am 54 now, and have been in ill health for the last 9 years. I know what you’re going through. You have my friendship and sympathy.
@Valerie, Cheryl, Helen:
Reading this thread incourages me. I too have been orphaned. I lost my mother in 1995 and my father in 2002. The loss of my mother was bad enough, losing my dad was well the end of part of me. I still deal and grieve. I have a step mother but this is never the same as your real parent. She does her best. Some times I feel liked Cinderella with out a fella.
I have been married twice. I have two children from my second marriage. Both are grown and my eldest is in Afgahnastan. My youngest Just turned nineteen and is living on her own, going to college and working. Oh my this is just the beginning. Now on top of feeling orphaned I now feel empty nested. Some times this just overwhelms me… I sit and cry.. Collect myself and get up and try to go on. I have been told that all this will make me closer to my children.. My eldest is married to an only child… Her parents are still both alive… I have encouraged him to be patient… I don’t speak much with my daughter in law … she still has her best friends and now my son too… I lost both my parents to cancerin different forms.. I find the reading of the link to cancer.org an avenue to pursue as well.. as I might have breast cancer and have been denying it for years now… a lump then it dissapears, a lymph node swollen then it goes down. Ihad mamograms done. One confirmed the other denied. I chose the later and have kept going… I haven’t had another mamo gram done yet… Nor have I really spoke with anyone about it…
Thank you some much for this social network that you have built….. I feel better and extend my greatest sympathies and empathies to all of you…. please feel free to write me
Marie
I was in our local card store over this past weekend. Watching from a distance, as an observer, as throngs of people poured over the card racks to get the perfect ‘Mother’s Day’ card. This was the 30th Mother’s Day without my mom. It’s been 27 years since I lost my dad.
I got to thinking about the origin of Mother’s Day…how it was a seed of an idea of just one woman. Look at how it has evolved over the years.
It got me to start thinking about forging a campaign to start a ‘Sibling Day.’ I even imagined getting actors Tony Dow and Jerry Mathers of ‘Leave it to Beaver’ fame to be the national spokesmen for such a campaign.
There is such a bond that siblings share. I long for it each and every day. My parents had wanted more children, in fact, my father wanted nine children, ‘just like Queen Victoria and Prince Albert,’ he said.
But, it never happened.
Meanwhile, all of my younger cousins were being inducted into that special club. Having younger siblings. For a while there, it was happening left and right. 14 youner cousins in the course of 10 years. Out of my whole family, I was the only ‘only child.’
At school, I was surrounded by classmates whose households rivaled that of the Brady Bunch or Ma and Pa Kettle’s.
I have been in ill health now for the past 9 or 10 years. I am 54 years old. Just turned 54, as a matter of fact, last month on Shakespeare’s birthday. I think of how a sibling could help me through this awful ordeal of mine. I am also sueing for medical malpractice.
As adults, Tony Dow and Jerry Mathers have had to deal with their own health issues. Dow with mental health/depression issues, and Mathers, more recently, with Diabetes. The cameras may have stopped rolling for them, almost 50 years ago, but I am sure, they have supported each other, over the years.
I miss that. I miss that desperately.
I am absolutely thrilled and delighted to see the launch of this new site. It has been something I have been yearning for, for the longest time.
I wish it a world of success.
I have tried to register on this site and it will not allow me. It says the site isn’t found/access denied. Any suggestions?
Hi Deb
Glad to see you are here. I guess you must have gotten registered. We would like to hear your story. I am an only child in my fifties with deceased parents and no children and no cousins I have ever lived within 300 miles of. One of the greatest problems we face is that non-onlies seem to lack sympathy and understanding of what it is like to be an only. Some seem to believe that any only-related problems we might have somehow end when we reach adulthood. Lack of real, old fashioned friendship is my biggest problem. As I have no siblings or cousins that I know very well, I have a desperate need for friendship and have felt that need for decades. I am married so I dont go to the bars (where it is relatively easy to make “friends” if you are single). I dont smoke anymore and I get sickened by second hand smoke, so I dont go to poker games, bowling alleys, etc. My work does not involve other people, so I dont interact with others at work. If I had siblings, I wouldnt feel such a desperate need and would be more lighthearted about the idea of making friends, as I would have the siblings to fall back on if for nothing but an occasional phone conversation. Siblings also can be helpful in making friends with others, either through introductions or some other means. If you go to a game or something with a sibling, you are not there “alone”, and if you reach out to contact a potential friend, he or she sees you in the company of another person (who happens to be your sibling) and accordingly does not perceive you as a wierdo loner. I wish the people in these groups that live in large cities, such as Portland, OR, where I live, could somehow get together because I believe that at least we understand what it is like.
As if my life were not depressing and demanding enough, I can’t even register on your stupid website. I’m just going to go back to my only child, no husband, no boyfriend, no children of my own cave. Stupid me, try to reach out for help, understanding, and get slapped in the face… every time. I don’t even know why I bother.
So sorry to hear you were having trouble registering. What exactly was the issue? This is a very new site, and it’s going to take a while to work all the kinks out – thanks for sticking with me! I appreciate any feedback.
I am an only child, turning 26 at the end of the year. I’m originally from Singapore (of Indian ethnicity) but in Melbourne, Australia for studies. It’s been exactly a week since I arrived here. I realize I’m way too comfortable even in a foreign land. I asked myself why and I’ve come to a reasonable conclusion. I’m emotionally detached. It’s only now that I realize the night I left, my Mom gave me a warm hug and my response was nothing more than casual. Here I am in a totally different country and I’m unimpressed and not even nervous. I miss nothing and no one back home.
Just over 2 hours ago my Mom was on the phone with me. The conversation ended with her crying. She misses me so much (my parents are married but it’s an obvious failure), I’m pretty much all she has. But I was so annoyed the whole time cause she’s talking to me like I’m still her little boy, full of nagging and advising and all that.
My Dad hates his in-laws. Mom’s actually afraid to invite her own family, siblings or friends over in fear that Dad will say something offensive to them. Mom’s a submissive sort, Dad’s the exact opposite. He’ll snap at her for the slightest things. I grew up my whole life hearing things no child should hear. In recent years Dad has tried to forge a relationship with me but I simply cannot bring myself to be close to him. It’s almost a habit for me to get annoyed with him even when he’s being nice.
I hate hearing my Mom cry, which is unfortunately quite often, yet I don’t wanna say anything to her. I’m shooting in all directions with no real point, I’m sorry. I just needed to get things off my chest. It’s one thing being an only child but your upbringing is also very important. I really wish my life was different enough for me to care.
Thanks for reading. Sorry about the mess of thoughts.
Thanks for sharing, Ram. Sounds like you’re really aware of your feelings, but still you feel like you should feel differently. Know what I mean? I can relate to that sometimes – I bet a lot of people can.